I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
