I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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