the condom got lost in my hair
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
