Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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