You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
