do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
