Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
