Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
