worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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