I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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