drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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