Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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