So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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