Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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