farters have to be the big spoon...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
