He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
