I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
