can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
