Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
