I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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