Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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