he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
