Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I skipped work to stalk him.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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