you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
