I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
