You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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