you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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