It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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