Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
