I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
