I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
