so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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