i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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