New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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