It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
