so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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