yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
