I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
