Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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