so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
