plz talk dirty to me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
