im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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