There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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