We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
