So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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