I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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