If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
