I'm passing your future prison.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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