I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
