there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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