I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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