Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
