no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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