I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
