Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
