wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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