I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
