she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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