i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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