There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
