I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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