I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
