I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
