If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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