We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize