I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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