yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize