you traded sex for a burrito?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
