Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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