Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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