wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
