He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
