Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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