God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
