I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
