I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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