Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
