I just pynch a tree in the face
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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